Having self confidence is something that riddles almost everyone. But why? Why are we so analytical of others and of ourselves and left with a big hole in our heart for ourselves. Maybe there is a purpose to self hate, but I’d rather embrace that energy and use it as positive momentum to accomplish something. That’s exactly what I did. There were times that I really had no self confidence, and even now there are moments that I catch myself not being nice to myself, but what transformed my life was when I stopped worrying about the things I didn’t like about myself my eyes were opened to my true personality and I felt capable of accomplishing so much more.
My self confidence hindered me in high school and in college. The crazy part is I have no clue how low self esteem as it relates to your physical self is so influential on low self esteem as it relates to intellectual and personality self esteem. I just simply didn’t feel I looked good enough to be the girl I wanted to be. I acted differently towards friends, I held back when it came to accomplishing something great because inside I was vulnerable. Staying back in the crowd and blending in was alot more comforting for my confidence than standing out. In other ways I over compensated for my lack of physical confidence with cute clothes, nice things, and image.
On a regular basis I would look in the mirror and think “yikes, I need to put make up on.” It was such a natural reaction because I had probably been saying that to myself for so many years. I remember looking at girls in my high school and seeing how clear their skin was, and because of that they didn’t need make up, they were beautiful. My ideals of what beautiful was, was made up of things that I didn’t have: clear skin, long long hair, lean tummy…. Gosh that was a sad time. Always looking at what others had that I wanted because it was something I didn’t have.
Our society is built on marketing for that exact emotion, “I want to look like him/her.” In the essence that you don’t look like that, and you could if you bought their products. All the television ads, tabloids, reality TV shows, movies, social media…. We have been wired to see something about someone loved by society that is ‘sexy or stylish’ and want to look like them too, so we purchase it. Some twisted part of our brain thinks that we will look just like them. Then, when we don’t look like them because they’re photoshopped and not real, we feel that void called poor body image. Lets break free of this cycle!
Social media is probably the most toxic for self confidence. Lets revisit what I just said about wanting what other’s have. Scrolling through images of “people you want to look like” through social media is at it’s root a negative act, because you’re assessing quickly that it’s something you don’t have. Please do not convince yourself that it is a positive act because it inspires you to go workout. This cycle is not healthy.
Lets turn this around. If you were someone else, and they were looking at you what do you think they would be thinking about you, observing physical and intellectual traits that they wanted. It seems hard at first, but submit to the exercise and really let yourself feel what it is that you LOVE about yourself if you stop constantly comparing to others.
Catch yourself feeling this way about your self image next time you’re scrolling through social media, including Pinterest. Stick to cat videos, and people you follow that ADD VALUE to your life, not continue to make you feel less than.
Every time you look in the mirror I want you to say something good about yourself. And just remember that who you are has NOTHING to do with what you look like.